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It's okay not to be okay.

Happy World Mental Health Day Let’s talk about mental health -  in honor of World Mental Health Day today. This is a super important thing we all need to focus on with ourselves. Being aware of your mental health is definitely something that you should keep up with.  My mental health lately has been shit . Not working and having zero income with bills is really hitting me, hard. I’ve been looking for jobs, I really have. And applying! I just think I can do better. I can do more and apply for more. I'm going to have to settle for something in the meantime. I had a MAJOR breakdown earlier this week. I found myself bawling my eyes out on my bathroom floor. And I mean BAWLING. Like, ugly crying, hyperventilating and completely hysterical. What is wrong with me? What am I doing? This isn’t me, at all. I’ve been in this slump and it just keeps getting worse. I just really need to focus on myself and getting my shit together.   I’ve been forcing myself out of bed and for

You can turn off the sun, but I’m still gonna shine.

Hello Beautifuls! šŸ’‹


It’s been a while! Sorry about that. Life got a little crazy. Who am I kidding - a LOT crazy. Apologies in advance if this post is a little long, just want you guys up to date on everything. šŸ˜‰

Life has its ups and downs, that's for sure. Some days are much better than others while the others you just feel like you can’t make it anymore and want to give up. Staying positive all the time can be exhausting. The thing is, you have to give it your all when you feel like you can’t give it anything else. There’s always strength somewhere in there to keep going. ALWAYS - that's a promise.

*I’ve recently been introduced to Pinot Noir (currently sipping on) and realized it’s a pretty good de-stressor.*

So, where do I begin with my crazy past couple of months? Let’s start with the not-so-goods. The biggest (hopefully not dumbest) thing - I quit my job. (As of like, a week and a half ago) Just like that. I decided it was too much and just walked away from it all. Now, before you jump to any conclusions, there is something that you should know. I hit a point of realization that I just wasn’t happy anymore. We gained new ownership and the new position I was in was just, different. Overwhelming, stressful, just too much. I’ve come to
learn myself very well, especially when it comes to my own well-being, happiness and biggest of all; my mental health. I felt like I hit a point of no return and like I was going down a dark and scary path that I’d been down before and never wanted to see again. I felt like I was going crazy, I didn’t know where my head was and I couldn’t tell my ass from a hole in the ground. That’s when I knew I had to do something. Co-workers that have known me for a while could tell that I was just simply not happy anymore. It’s a scary thing. So,
Dad & I, Post Race. ( I'm aware
our medals are both backwards -
so are we, LMAO)
that being said, I knew I had to go. It was time to make a change and really focus on myself.

Now is the part where I feel somewhat stupid. I have absolutely no backup plan. I thought I wanted to go back to school for accounting but now am having mixed feelings and I just don’t know what to do. I’m starting over and am kind of clueless right now. I would absolutely love to travel to some tropical island where I can find myself again. But, I’m jobless and broke. So, if anybody wants to make a donation or take me on a trip, that would be greatly appreciated. šŸ¤£
I feel so lost

Time to look on the bright side..
Conquering the dreaded stairs. :)

I ran another 5k! The Oberun. Run for beer, who doesn’t like that? I ran with some good friends and my dad, and apparently the cool thing to do for this race is drink an Oberon before you run. So of course, I had to fit in and drink a beer before I ran 3.1 miles. Trying not to think about vomiting. It turns out, that’s the magic touch to running. I hit a new PR and ran that race in under 40 minutes! Oh, I was also still getting over a terrible upper respiratory cold thing.

On another positive note, I’ve started another challenge, yay! Under Construction. I’m not sure where he gets his ideas from, but Eddie sure knows how to keep us on our toes with these workouts. Up and down hills pushing wheel barrels filled with 225 pounds - workouts in between. No big deal. The 3N1 team is truly an amazing, encouraging and inspirational
Running with friends makes
running a little better. ;)
one. I wouldn’t be able to push an empty wheel barrel up a hill if I didn’t have them with me - encouraging and pushing me to do my best. (Pictures to come)


Although, with my fitness I really feel like I've hit a wall. I feel like I have a harder time with my endurance during workouts - I need to find the Michelle who was able to push through anything and achieve what I wanted. I think that feeling so down lately has a lot to do with it. That shit can be exhausting, I don't care what anybody says. Maybe I'm looking for something to blame? All I know, is that I need to get my shit together and start to really focus on feeling better, the positive people & things that I have in my life and being happy.
A little pre-race beer
I've lost my drive, but it's time to get it back. Please feel free to leave me some positive thoughts, comments, quotes etc. in the comment section - can even be done anonymously! :) 

Let the journey continue!
XOXO, M♡

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