It's okay not to be okay.

Happy World Mental Health Day

Let’s talk about mental health -  in honor of World Mental Health Day today. This is a super important thing we all need to focus on with ourselves. Being aware of your mental health is definitely something that you should keep up with. 

My mental health lately has been shit. Not working and having zero income with bills is really hitting me, hard. I’ve been looking for jobs, I really have. And applying! I just think I can do better. I can do more and apply for more. I'm going to have to settle for something in the meantime.

I had a MAJOR breakdown earlier this week. I found myself bawling my eyes out on my bathroom floor. And I mean BAWLING. Like, ugly crying, hyperventilating and completely hysterical. What is wrong with me? What am I doing? This isn’t me, at all. I’ve been in this slump and it just keeps getting worse. I just really need to focus on myself and getting my shit together. 

I’ve been forcing myself out of bed and forcing myself to get to the gym - really the only place where I feel sane. I’m surrounded by great people, family actually. I have been forcing myself to get to school. Naps have become more frequent and a necessary part of my day. 

I've still got it! Climbing the
big tree in our front yard.

This. Is. Not. Me. This used to be me, when I was severely depressed. I do not want to go back there. The hardest thing for me to do right now is admitting that I am not okay. I’m not. I. Am. Not. Okay. There, I said it. I will be okay, eventually. Just not right now. 

I’m always so positive and everyone tells me how that’s one thing they love about me. My positivity and my motivation. That’s why I have such a hard time saying I’m not okay and that I’m falling apart. It’s hard to show others who count on you and look up to you that you’re not okay and things aren’t right. 

This weekend I am going to sit myself down and come up with a plan to dig my way out of this depression and get my shit together. I also have a race this weekend. Just a Halloween 5k fun-run with my dad. I’m pretty excited about that. 

Recently went through some clothes
and found this shirt - had to try it on
to see where I was at. I needed that.

YOU GUYS: I have a new goal - and I need your help: to lose 20 pounds by thanksgiving. I need some help and encouragement on that. I’ve got it though, I’ve already come out and said it so there’s no letting you guys down! I’ll be sure to post some before and after pics on this small journey. I’ll post a before pic Monday when I start. That way you guys can hold me accountable. 

Remember to check in on your family, friends and yourselves. Mental health checks are important and it’s not stupid. Remember that. 

I am here for encouragement, inspiration and anything else. I could even use some of that right now. :( Any love and encouraging words sent my way would be greatly appreciated. 

Hope all is well with you guys! 

XOXO, M♡

P.S. HEY GUYS! PLEASE!!! Come join my gym, come workout with me - just give it a try. You will LOVE it, I PROMISE! Come help me reach my goals and I will help you reach yours. Just come check it out, please! 3N1 Fitness Revolution.